Porn Addiction Blog

2010 will not be just another new year, but a whole new decade. While most set goals relating to weight issues, financial goals, career advancement, relationship satisfaction — such will not go far unless a hidden issue is release. Such hidden issue can be a bad habit, unresolved emotional conflicts, or even an addiction, specifically related to porn addiction.

In general, why do most people fail when they setup a resolution to quit something? Many have a flawed mindset to begin with thinking “I will do it when the time is right…” Those who have the mindset of doing something when it is the perfect time tend to be perfectionist. That is, they only set big goals on New Year’s Day as it is the 1st of the month of the new year. Consequently, many perfectionists tend to procrastinate only to practice something at the “perfect” time. As an example, ever say to yourself, “I will read chapter 1 today, chapter 2 tomorrow, and so on”? And if you read 1 chapter today and with time left to start chapter 2, you move it until tomorrow? If you did, you fell under the habit of a perfectionist being afraid to make a mistake (doing it at the right moment or time). However, there is no such thing as a perfect time – it is now. The only moment you will have is the present.

You will often read or hear that it takes about 3-weeks to establish a new habit and that you should measure your progress. Therefore, one would assume it makes sense to have a daily goal of “avoiding” or “quitting” porn. Not really. Measuring your progress is based on accomplishing something rather than avoiding. For instance, if you were to write a report, you would measure the progress of how far it is built. If you were to try to gain weight/muscle, you would measure progress on how it is being built. If you are planning to lose weight, you are building a new healthy body image. Thus, if you are planning to quit porn, what you should really be doing is focus on a brand new habit to establish healthy sexual desire or coping mechanism. All these are based on building and moving towards a targeted goal.

It is likely that the X number of days avoidance is a flawed model as it relates to quitting porn. Unlike an external substance like drugs/alcohol which you want to avoid and seek alternative replacements, a porn addiction resides within your behavior and brain chemistry. These are your brain’s naturally biochemistry and your brain must be redirected towards a healthy sexual attitude free of the addiction. To change your behavior and brain chemistry, it is effectively done through “building” new habits and rewiring the brain chemistry. By counting the number of days you have stop watching, it really defeats the purpose. In fact, it is based on thinking about porn subliminally in the process.

Further, here is something to think about: Where was the last you were addicted to watching a green flying car in the sky? Well, you had to think about it — in order to “not” think about it. Instead of focusing thoughts similar to, “I refuse dirty porn…” or “I will NOT lust…” focus on what you want to achieve as the outcome. Strive to become a renew person and commit towards healthy goals. That way, you are building something that can be really measure for your progress. You will be building new habits and a better future for yourself.

To achieve success in setting a New Year’s Resolution to overcome an addiction, you should begin with a goal as if you were already free of the addiction while being consciously aware that it’s merely a roadblock that can  be gradually destroyed. You need not sabotage or criticize yourself if you “slip” — mistakes and failures are part of your growth process if you learn the lesson. Always focus on your intention, building your future, and striving to become a greater person than you are within. Your New Year’s resolution to “Quit porn!” should really be “I strive to become a person with a focus towards building healthy relationships and overcome all obstacles getting in the way.” If you failed with your New Year’s resolution, know that you’re failing forward but towards your progress and growth.